A different viewpoint...

Updated January 14, 2004

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Campus Elevator Plan keeps the important people in mind

Ever wonder why the elevators are always breaking down in the CAP science building? The Schindler brand elevators, even at their best, are clunky and slow, and at their worst sometimes drop scarily at the end of travel, or stop between floors, trapping passengers until rescue. We tried to find out the story but could never seem to find the repairman, "Stitches" N. Tyme, when his truck is around.

Hmmm... check out that truck! Maybe there is a hint there? Could it be that a truck is a sign of the quality of the repair service?We could test the theory by comparing, say, another repair truck. The heating system in CAP works a good bit better than the elevators

Well, let's take a look at the Johnson Controls repairman's 'ride'--hmm, looks about the same as the elevator guy's, right? Well, maybe it is a little bit better.

You know, you do not always "get what you pay for," but you almost always don't get what you don't pay for!

And, what about the new elevator in the Administration building, the one used by our Chancellor and his dozens of Ass. VC's?

Oh, it's an Otis (you know--the guys that invented elevators). 'Nuff said?

New Inclement Weather Policy for ASU

Administration officials, based on their recent successes, have implemented a new procedure for handling inclement weather alerts. When snow is predicted for later in the day, classes will again be postponed 2 hours so that students will have to deal with the snow. Following a long tradition of ignoring faculty expertise at ASU, the local expert in weather prediction (www.booneweather.com), will be ignored in favor of wetting a finger and holding it out to predict the weather. And, like before, instead of emailing everyone about the delay, an obscure link will be put on the ASU home page.

With apologies to Scott Adams...

This site is not an official voice of Appalachian State University, but merely a light-hearted look at the news. The people, places, creatures, corporations, and institutions in this scene are fictitious: any resemblance to actual people, places, creatures, corporations, or institutions is strictly coincidental. No animals, especially parakeets, foxes or Vice Chancellors, were harmed in its production.

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