Appalachian Seen


A different viewpoint... This site best viewed with Internet Explorer™ since, like most of the University, I have sold out to Microsoft™ Proud to still be the number one hit on a Google search of "Appalachian seen," a very general phrase.
Welcome to the new chancellor The Seen welcomes our new chancellor Sherril N'Everest, and we hope the very best for her. May she not appear too often here in the Seen. (Actually, the chancellor rarely appears here, mostly it is the riff-raff just under them that does.) Bullying by ? The University sponsored a Virtual Seminar on "Workplace Woes: Addressing Bullying and Violence." We can think of one office and one new college that perhaps would benefit from such a workshop. EDBERT With apologies to Scott Adams... New Program at Appalachian Drawing on its local talents, the University announced a new program: Nepotism Science. (The word Science was added to lend credibility.) The program will draw upon experienced faculty and staff to handle the teaching from various campus areas including, to wit, the College of Unhealthy Sciences (CUSs). Anemic Affairs may field some faculty from their misty offices. The Underdevelopment office may offer some randy and burly guys to teach methodology courses. The divas from Enrollment Mismanagement and the Hubbub Center will offer fresh views. Former personnel from the Scallops Bookshop will also offer instruction. Faculty from departments that had real, justifiable needs to hire spouses will be excluded. The Program Director will be chosen from the area with some of the greatest experience, to wit, the CUSs. Courses will include Getting Your Relatives Credentials, Ignoring the Lack if They Don't Them, Having the Candidate Write their own Job Ad, Ignoring Trailing Spouse Rules, Avoiding State Hiring Search Rules, and Training Seeing-Eye Dogs for the EO Office. Advanced courses will include Coup de grâce: Hiring Your Spouse Who Was Your Former Student, and, Hiring Your Spouse After Your College Gave Them a Degree.

QEP candidate wins out over Truemen Dewey Needham Inouye was hired as director of the Quantity Enhancement Plan, the program foisted on us by SACS. He narrowly beat Truemen for the position. There is no doubt about the value of the QEP program, which has an international theme that provides junkets for various administrators. Student travel support? Not so much. EDBERT With apologies to Scott Adams... Andies' remarks.. The chair of the Faculty Senate, Andies Crotchy, raised serious concerns about the business approach to running a university. The Seen concurs... EDBERT With apologies to Scott Adams...
Lordi, Lordi... The Watauga Democrat reports that the new chancellor is reluctant to ask top administrators to re-submit their resume's for consideration of continuation of their position. Really? We think she needs to read recent issues of the Seen (linked below). College of Unhealthy Sciences in trouble? The University continues to pour money into the CUSs, with loads of faculty positions and a planned massive new building. This is a reward for their outstanding 74% pass rate achieved by the latest batch of nursing graduates. Sounds logical to spend buckets of money on a program for several dozen students. This may get BOGed down if the Board of Governors decides to can the program like was threatened at NCA&T. Meanwhile, to further reinforce the fine CUSs performance, ASU has hired more from the Poole of medical people for the new Dean of the Graduate School. Rex Morgan, NC To Wit, thanks to Woody Wilson and Terry Beatty, Comics Kingdom ASU Snippy-ettes The Council of Chairs voted to have a no-smoking campus, with only one Libertarian holding out. We are not permitted to do that, but why not?--there is no defined penalty. The penalty of not doing it? The smoking rate increases 15% during the four years a student is here. We get a warm, fuzzy feeling about the intimate Podcasts with the Provost--just like the breakfasts with Harvey Durham. Sort of. Provost Goneoverzealous had no comment since the Seen did not ask for one. In the department of Useless But Paranoid Memos, we had the 5/14/14 email from Dr. Babbling Illness that, well, we have no ebola on campus and won't have any. Thanks. In other announcements, Generalissimo Francisco Franco continues to be dead. We got the 6/16/14 email about the Captain's (?) class on Companion Shrubs. We at the Seen are all for marriage diversity but draw the line at perennial partnerships that cross kingdoms. And, the only Captain we like is Morgan. The Office of Human Outsources announced the MisAPropos program that will "provide participants with proactive preparation for requests and actions related to the application and management of sponsored projects." Huh? Seems like an opportunity to create another Program Director. See above. Speaking of new programs, we understand that there will be a new superdepartment--of Global Studies, Gender Studies, Interdisciplinary Studies, Undisciplined Studies, Equity, Diversity, Compliance, Women's Studies, Men's Studies, Global Engagement, Parakeet Studies, and Other Peripheral Topics. Notice all the emails we now get about Faculty Handbook changes? We hope the Seen's previous snippy remarks about expecting us to read the policy manual every day had an effect. Assessment State University AaS Dean Tiny ("The Squid") Calamari announced that there are more program assessments and College strategic plan writing coming soon. Oh,joy. EDBERT With apologies to Scott Adams. University misdelivers a package Appalachian's post office mis-delivered a package... At least it wasn't going to an important destination like the Police. Oh. It was. EDBERT (private joke, re dux with changes from last issue) With apologies to Scott Adams. And, to Mikedac. Artist is no Einstein... A piece of sculpture in the Rosen competition caught our eye (actually, the eye of associate editor Diva Sitter's). It includes a sundial that claims to be designed for our latitude of 34 degrees. Except, that's not our latitude--it's over 36 degrees. A local paper article said that it was designed for the North Carolina/Tennessee latitude. Except, Tennessee's southern border is at the 36 degree line, so none of Tennessee is at 34 degrees. The southern tip of NC, below Wilmington, is barely at 34 degrees. Anyway, it does not work -- it is 2 hours off (shadow below is at about noon, real time about 2:15), 1 hour off if corrected for daylight time. It does not work at all before noon, in spite of the a.m markings, because the morning Sun is north of its plane--it is all in shadow. At least it did not get an award! Oh! It did! $2,000 for an incorrect piece of art. For 5% of that the artist could have hired a starving astronomy student to check things. Send it twice. Send it twice. Listen to me! The Office of Human Resources Office is yelling at us again... Faculty Voice(s) We welcome the Faculty Voice's reincarnation as the Faculty Voices. We do point out though that, apparently, the old Faculty Voice was actually not underground but in fact a publication of the Faculty Senate: We do remember the original fondly, especially the late Ken McKinney's contribution expressing his dismay with some faculty raising Christmas trees or horses instead of doing scholarly work in the balance of their work load. He characterized them as having "retired but failed to notify the State." Classic. Marketplace (from the real Seen) Popular Grove Rd.? No such place. Sell houses for a living? Live there? Edit the Scene? Buy chairs and table kept in the snow? Maybe not. This site is not an official voice of Appalachian State University, but merely a light-hearted look at the news. The people, places, creatures, corporations, and institutions in this Seen are fictitious: any resemblance to actual people, places, creatures, corporations, or institutions is strictly coincidental. No animals, especially administrators, were harmed in its production.
Previous Editions Click here to see the first Edition of the Seen - Parking Deck, VC for Parakeets, TVAC budget Click here to see Volume 2 of the Seen - Campus elevators, Weather policy, first Edbert Click here to see Volume 3 of the Seen - Perk cars, Acting Administrators, Edbert, Google finds The Seen! Click here to see Volume 4 of the Seen - Design errors in New Rankin, VC for Renaming things, ASU threatens the Seen Click here to see Volume 5 of the Seen - HP adds indoor kayaking, ASU clamps down on saving money, Alum system moves to Banner, Edbert, Toilet Paper problem, Yet another paper towel dispenser, Parakeet Pedagogy, Extreme diet options at Park Place Dining, Click here to see Volume 6 of the Seen - ASU buys Boone, Public Art, Grant holdup, Edbert, Creationist propaganda Click here to see Volume 7 of the Seen - Bridge for Nobody, Stairway, We never learn, abandoning SACS, Edbert, Physical Plant, Downsizing Sting Click here to see Volume 8 of the Seen - Bridge for Nobody revisited, Whine Science, Return of Pipe Sculpture, Study Abroad, Gen Ed Dynamic Faculty Allocation System, Edbert, UNC-Winston-tastes-good, New ID cards Click here to see Volume 9 of the Seen - Big Chill, Announcing BridgeCam, Leaking Roofs, ASU email, Edbert (several!), Department Plans, ASU Smoking Plan, Managing by Matrix Click here to see December, 2012 Seen - All Lordy... Click here to see April (Fools), 2013 Seen - More nonsense!
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